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| So I had this random dream last night.. It involved Boy, Kuya, Bernard and Vince... also Bap.. I remembered we were al seperated in 3 cars... vince in one... kuya boy and nard in the other..and me in the last one.. we were all pickin up Bap from school... After that.. we all wantedto hang out somewhere and wantedto squeeze in the van(for some reason kuya had one)...
I had to go home and drop Babap off first,... He also spilled something on me, so I had ot change my shirt O.O.. in the process of doing that, the guys kept saying they wanted to leave me,.. I told to go ahead, but Vince kept saying to wait for me...
That was basically my dream... slice of life, though I think in reality, my brothers would wait and Vince would leave me(hahaha)...
But it turns out...
in the time I had this dream.. in reality, my grandpa passed away.
went to work anyways..working lethargically and in a weird hazy mood all day... Actually lost the mahjong game we were fragging that I haven't lost ever... | | |
| okay, so I haven't written in ages... alot's happened.. moved to frisco..worked for awhile with paul for wells fargo(was really fun)..then eventually got hired at EA(after 2 weeks or so)... been working there since...on contract butit's being renewed and renewed..new end date's dec. 1 or so..
I've gotten closer and closer with bros and sisters here... even other ppl i wouldn't think so lol. I'm reading bible more and getting closer with God too.I'm growing... Jason and I are still together and going strong:)
------ end of up to date summary
well right now, I'm really sad... I think throughout my years of living(ha) I've developed a strong sense of loathing, fear and resentment against being left behind etc. I wonder why(ha#2).
Well- let's talk about 2 ppl.. My friend/coworker Peter and my very good friend from way back in high school, Rhoda. Peter and rhoda met at my bday, and they got along..itwsn't really anything then, but a seed was planted. Rhoda got this random itch to go to Vegas and I go with her..turns out Peter's going there too the same weekend(he planed way before) and so we meet up there.. Rhoda and Peter get to know eachother more. Peter and Rhoda and I hang out a couple more times.. Paul joins us sometimes. It's fun being us three, but still, nothing like just me + Rhoda and the road... etc. I really like hanging out with Peter too.. Out of the new friends I've made, I'd say he was my closest one...
then comes today... I guess they had plans to hang out... rhoda tells me cuz I ask her if she wants to do anything for tonight..she says she's hanging with Peter... Peter's been out of work all week, so I thought that was the reason he hadn't told me just yet. I'm happy for them that they're going on their first official date sorta thing, but at the same time I'm already feeling out of place.. Rhoda is usually part of my weekend plans, but now tha's shot. :\... I feel like we've detached from eachother a bit. Tha'ts fine ofcourse...
Then I texted Rhoda maybe 30 minutes ago asking how the date was going... She texts back and says she'd tell me later, but that Peter says he didnt' want me to know.... that they were even together...
That was the clincher... that was a deliberate door shut on me.. It wasn't jus drifting apart because 2 ppl were getting closer, it was an obvious and intended severence...
It's really saddening that it effects me this much... It should be simple, right?.. but It's hurting so much:(... I love Rhoda and I don't want us to lose our closeness or lose a majority of our time together... I like Peter, but suddenly he's becoming the villain of this sorry story.
I just know that I do feel left behind and it sucks...
| | |
| I
know I'm going back to S.F..... I'll finally be with my brothers...
I'll be with my old friends...Finally cold climate XD!!.. Still, I'm
gonna miss L.A. alot..
I'm kinda getting scared of finding a job
too.. I know I get a bunch of lil offers, but they're not the good 80k
a year job... O.O..starting;) rofl..
I prolly would have more
oppertunities here in Southern cali... still, I felt like going back to
SF and healing and relaxing for a bit... being here and being alone is
just.. so depressing.. I try to keep busy and just hang out with ppl as
much... but still... My family's gone.
I want to stay though
too.. Ahhh..conflicting feelings and thoughts... who knows what'll
happen.. Maybe i'll move back in the summer..or move to NY... who
knows... but right now.. around next week i'll be living at sf... rawr
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| As most of you know, I went on a mission trip to New Orleans to help with the damages inflicted by Hurricane Katrina... We were there from Nov 20-27 and stayed at a church. The people that came were Laura, Donna, Maureen, Amanda, Christina, Dodi, Shoji, Cynthia, Cindy, Tom, Diane, Pei Fen... if I miss anyone, I'll add you in... now..here's a day to day thing..
Sunday Night:
Slept at Shoji's so we'd all arrive at the airport at the same time. I was still feeling a bit sick.. I didn't even go to church earlier that day.. I packed and got picked up.. I realize later though that I didn't pack much.. I only brought 2 pair of pants... including the one I was wearing..-_-'...
Monday:
We leave early Monday morning and took a bus from Union Station... The flight sucked.. Turbulence and no food.. We did get a movie,"My Super ex-girlfriend," but even that doesn't redeem the whole experience. We get to NOLA and meet up with most of he group(minus Maureen, Pei fen and cindy who join days later). We get home and settle in and have devotionals.. This first night we went to Bourbon street and find this 50% off store(that becomes a place we visit almost everyday afterwards)... Christina and Amanda join me shoji, cynthia and dodi.. we didn't talk to them much yet, but I did find out that their older brother was Charles Merz.. someone I met 6 years ago at Triennium..small world eh?
note: early on we discovered the radio stations liked to play alot of nickelback, the fray, hinder and nirvana... alot of songs got cycled... we called it our NOLA mix...mwhahaha
Tuesday:
Cindy joins the group and we all split up and work on different places. Cynthia and I get light work helping the church nursery school... just so happened that they had a Thanksgiving lunch sort of event... we seriously didn't do much but help clean up afterwards. There were a bunch of cute kids though!.. awww>_<... Also, later this night we all go out and hang out at Walmart.. also at a bowling alley.. Everyone else played but me..just didn't feel like it heh.. the music was cool and everyone tried to do a train... didn't go well. Cindy did join us this day, and also- we discovered "Central" on Tuesday... it's basically a street tha's really bumpy cuz of the railroad tracks... we love it... we just drive through it fast and it's better than Magic Mountain..hahaha
Wednesday:
Maureen joins the group on Wednesday... also, we all got to do more heavy duty work.. By this time, we all acquire the Southern accent.. atleast al lthe girls and we're all practically sisters already..rofl... Cindy, Cynthia, Donna and I join old sledgie to break up the side walk and take it apart.. afterwards we all go to another house and put mud on the walls.. Cindy and I mostly worked togethr on this.. Cynthia and Dodi ditch for awhile and I get really really peeved...
1. I told em to wait and disregarded me
2. I felt left out and like they were always just leaving me
3. they were being lazy tards that should be doing work
4. I thought they got food and i was really mad that I didn't get any with em cuz I was really hungry..heh..
I don't talk to em for the longest time... we get all get home and get dressed... then head out to this Coffee shop called " Nuetral Grounds.".. I like hte atmosphere... I would've liked it better if the atmosphere wasn't full of the scent of nicotine.. bah... Cindy amazes everyone with her Spoken Word poetry... Maureen makes small talk with everyone and their mother... (she's such a sociable person). We go home Via Central and call it a night.
Note:
-Christina is the Battle ship and scattergories Champ
- Maureen rapping is one of hte most hillarious things you will ever hear.
-we went to bourbon again
Thursday:
It's thanksgiving... the group split in two.. Some worked on houses and others helped serve food at the Sheriff's ball.. we hear good live music... Cynthia makes friends with a bunch of pedos...(jk;)) and there really was hardly anyone to serve...the ratio of volunteers per guest was about 5:1. I think we went out to eat at this fancy restaurant this night.. I forget... afterwards I'm pretty sure we went to Bourbon though..pei fun did join us this time. I think we also toured the 9th Ward this day... It was really eye opening... eerie.. jarring.. if this doesn't stir something in you..then you're heartless...
The 9th ward was an area that had been completely abandoned.. the place was the size of inglewood maybe... maybe not, but the silence in it... the only thing that moved apart from us intruders.. were mosquitoes... the houses were moved from foundations... walls were missing.. stores were abandoned.. it was eerily desolate.. seemed like a mixture of chaos and this frightening calm after the storm... It was sad.. to know that all those homes were abandoned.. and all those ppl that lived there once.. had to find a new place to belong. This sort of instilled a new motivation for most the ppl that came on the trip..cuz the next day we worked our butts off..
Friday:
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I'll finish this when I get home | | |
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